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Very useful post, thank you.
These ‘intrusions’ are a major struggle in my life.
Especially when it feels like not letting them intrude would be perceived as cold.
I reckon it takes many years to find the right balance in these things.
I hear what you’re saying, Vyartha. Sometimes people can also consider your need to be apart and alone in your practice as being selfish–that you’re putting that above their wants and needs. One needs to be mindful not to fall into their trap. I remember one summer back in the ’80’s taking a course at Catholic University in Washington, DC, called Clinical-Pastoral Education or CPE for short. It was an intensive course where we would all sit-around a circle in a room and literally tear-each-other-apart in what what we were doing wrong in our expectations concerning ministry. Some guys were left a weeping mess! It was lead by two Lutheran Ministers and they were ruthless in their assessments. I remember them saying that the desire to be present to all people all of the time was falling into the trap of burning-out early. They would say things like, “Don’t let people suck on ya”, while grabbing hold of their own breast. It sounded very callous at the time but they were so on-target. Some people will take-advantage of you all the time and suck your energies dry like a vampire if you allow them too. So, don’t allow others to suck-away your time when for instance being alone in practice. Assert yourself in your own respective need.
Also, many times people consider someone sitting alone in meditation as being useless, even lazy. They say things like, “Are ya workin????” That’s a most often used phrase, “Are ya workin???” Like someone’s life is not worthwhile if they are not incessantly busy. Other times they just can’t comprehend that apparently “just being” is something totally worthwhile, even healthy. The other day my hair-stylist, a woman, said has she always does when I come in a for a hair-cut, “So, what have you’ve been up too? Nothing much I suppose, huh??” Well this time I turned and tried to explain to her that my life was now about being inward centered vs being outer centered. As she looked perplexed I said, “You’re not there yet, are ya?” And, of course, she said that she wasn’t, that being active going snowmobiling or hiking or going Kayaking in Summer is what she needed to be about. She’s in her late 30’s-early 40’s. I’m not saying that those things aren’t fun and healthy, they are (I enjoy walking during the warmer months), just don’t be judgmental of someone who holds different values as well.
All in all, remember my friend that people will just not be on the same page as you are. But if its an incessant annoyance hearing them criticize and intruding upon your time, then by all means let them hear you and put them in their place. It’s your own rightful dignity.
Even though you are both right, and I also feel upset when interruptions arise, nevertheless someone has to scold you (us). Even though it seems like the very Maras are delighting in every obstacle put in our path, as with everything else that happens in life we should view interruptions to practice as simply the way it is without taking it too personally.
As advised by Bodhidharma: “First, suffering injustice. When those who search for the Path encounter adversity, they should think to themselves, ‘In countless ages gone by, I’ve turned from the essential to the trivial and wandered through all manner of existence, often angry without cause and guilty of numberless transgressions. Now, though I do no wrong, I’m punished by my past. Neither gods nor men can foresee when an evil deed will bear its fruit. I accept it with an open heart and without complaint of injustice.’ The sutras say, ‘When you meet with adversity don’t be upset, because it makes sense.’ With such understanding you’re in harmony with reason. And by suffering injustice you enter the Path.”
Obviously we should take every measure to ensure such evil karmas do not arise, such as adhering to the precepts especially as regards idle chit chat. Second, recall the Buddhas and Mahabodhisattvas who have gone before, and their vows, particularly in this case Avalokitesvara, who hears the cries of the world. It may not seem like someone knocking on your door or some other noisy triviality while you are trying to meditate or study scripture is a cry of lament, but even if it isn’t, you can treat it like it is. If we have waited and practiced endless kalpas to get to this point, we can put up with an interruption and even possibly learn from it.
“Someone has to scold you (us)?” Really??? How old are you, three? Oftentimes you remind me of Mr. Rogers, N.Yeti, a little too much moralizing. I’d like to see the human side of you from time to time, particularly during this series…why not get out your head from time to time, as you do have a tendency of being oddly cerebral.
Well given that I am driving a cancer patient who needs help to the emergency room at the moment I will do my best to accommodate you when I am uninterrupted.
At last some humanity—bravo!!!
Fred Rogers may have been branded a moralizer, but he also spoke deeply of the importance of solitude and quietude. In fact he sounded a lot like you:
“Most of us have so few moments like that in our lives. There’s noise everywhere. There are some places we can’t even escape it. Television and radio are probably the worst culprits. They are very seductive. It’s so tempting for some people to turn on the television set or the radio when they first walk into a room or get in the car… to fill any space with noise. I wonder what some people are afraid might happen in the silence. Some of us must have forgotten how nourishing silence can be. That kind of solitude goes by many names. It may be called “meditation” or “deep relaxation,” “quiet time” or “downtime.” In some circles, it may even be criticized as “daydreaming.” Whatever it’s called, it’s a time away from outside stimulation, during which inner turbulence can settle, and we have a chance to become more familiar with ourselves.”
“I don’t think we give that gift anymore (the gift of silence). I’m very concerned that our society is much more interested in information than wonder. In noise, rather than silence…how do we encourage reflection? Oh my, this is a noisy world. I get up every morning at least by 5AM. I have a couple hours of quiet time, reflect about what it is important. What can we do, to encourage people to have more quiet in their lives, more silence? Real revelation comes through silence.”